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Etiquette expert offers tips for St. Olaf students, employees

By Kari VanDerVeen
March 3, 2008

Navigating the place setting for a five-course meal may seem overwhelming, but etiquette expert Anthony Cawdron insists that the rules guiding good manners aren't rocket science.

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Etiquette expert Anthony Cawdron shows St. Olaf employees how to indicate to servers -- in this case the staff of St. Olaf food service provider Bon Appetit -- that they're done eating.
In several presentations filled with useful etiquette information and sprinkled with bits of wry British humor, Cawdron helped St. Olaf College students, faculty and staff brush up on their manners. He touched on everything from the most basic of good behavior, such as never chewing with your mouth full, to some of the more refined points of etiquette, such as never salting your food before you taste it.

"A lot of it is common sense," he says. "Anyone can have good manners."

Cawdron has worked with groups ranging from England's protocol-polished royal family to college students who, he notes dryly, "have managed to get through four years of school with one fork and one spoon." He's seen a guest blow his nose on the tablecloth and others stick gum under their plates and drink from someone else's glass. And through it all he's not only retained his composure, but now uses what he's learned from years in the hospitality industry to give presentations on etiquette across the country.

Cawdron gives up to four to five presentations a week on the rules of etiquette in addition to managing his role as the events coordinator for the presidential residence at Purdue University. In that position, he is responsible for organizing nearly 200 events each year at the president's 17,000-square-foot residence. He also teaches a seven-week class at Purdue that delves deeper into the art of etiquette.

Natural career
While becoming an expert in etiquette may seem a strange career choice, it was a natural one for Cawdron. His father was in the Royal Air Force, and his family not only traveled frequently but also lived in Hong Kong and Singapore. He picked up on nuances of proper protocol while spending a lot of time in hotels and restaurants and while helping his family entertain guests.

In a career that has included serving as a butler at Blenheim Palace and London's Sutton Place, Cawdron has worked with members of England's royal family, including the Queen, Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana. He also worked as a restaurant manager and a faculty member at a Swiss hotel school. He ended up at Iowa State University in 1990 as part of a faculty exchange program and stayed, later following the university's president to Purdue.

Cawdron gave his first lecture on etiquette when a student organization asked that he share some of his knowledge with its members. Another organization then asked, then another. "It just kept going," he says.

Cawdron says most people already are familiar with most of the information he provides, but they often forget to put it into practice. Proper etiquette is about more than just making a good first impression, Cawdron says. He notes that some companies won't hire people if they show a lack of manners, illustrating the point with a story about the late J.C. Penney, who after interview lunches never hired anyone who salted food before tasting it. Penney reasoned that it showed the candidate did not analyze situations well.

"In a slumping job market, every little bit helps," Cawdron says.

Below are a few of the tips he offered to St. Olaf students, faculty and staff members during three presentations he gave on campus last week that drew nearly 200 people.

First Impressions:
  • Do not arrive to an event early. "Arriving early is just as bad as arriving late," Cawdron says, noting that the hosts may not be ready for you.
  • Once you've arrived, move through the receiving line as quickly as possible.
  • If you're required to write your own nametag, do it as neatly as possible. Nametags should be placed on your right side.
  • When greeting people, have the same handshake for everyone. Having a different handshake for men and women is sexist, Cawdron notes. Don't be afraid to move closer to someone to shake hands, and then step away to talk. Trying to shake hands if you're standing too far from someone will result in an awkward grasping at fingers.
  • If you have a drink and plate of appetizers, you should hold them all in the same hand. It may take some practice -- Cawdron recommends students try it at home with their roommates -- but he notes that it is difficult to greet someone with a handshake if both of your hands are full.
  • When asked to move from the reception room to dinner, leave your drink behind -- even if you're not finished. "Otherwise people may think you need that drink to get through dinner," Cawdron notes.


Dining Gracefully:
  • Only unfold your napkin halfway. This way you can wipe your mouth on the part of the napkin that is folded and hide the dirty part of the napkin.
  • Do not tuck your napkin beneath your chin or into your waistband.
  • Food is served from the left and cleared from the right. Always be courteous to servers.
  • Once everyone at your table has been served, one person should begin eating and the others should follow.
  • The European style of holding silverware means holding the knife in your right hand and the fork in the left.
  • Only cut one mouthful at a time.
  • Taste your food before you add salt or sugar.
  • Food should be passed to the right. But if someone to your left requests the salt or sugar, pass it directly to them.
  • To remember which water glass is yours, just think of your place setting as the next car you want to have: a BMW. The bread plate is on your left, your meal is in the middle, and your water is on the right.
  • If you are dining at a buffet, know that you should eat everything you put on your plate. "So it's always best to know what you're taking," Cawdron notes.
  • To indicate to servers that you are finished eating, place your silverware side-by-side in the lower right quadrant of your plate.


Leaving a Lasting Impact
  • Do not seek out business cards. If someone does give you one, actually look at it before sticking it in your pocket.
  • Thank-you notes should be sent within 24-48 hours of the event. An e-mail thank-you is acceptable, but you should generally follow it up with a handwritten note.

Contact Kari VanDerVeen at 507-786-3970 or vanderve@stolaf.edu.