May brings with it many associations for Americans. Younger citizens often think about the end of school, bringing with it graduations, open houses and parties. Others (mostly Minnesotans, of course) connote the month with spring finally finding permanence as it rapidly turns into summer. Still more think about correct posture.

As most of you probably know, May is Correct Posture Month. During this joyous month, everybody happily takes care of their spines and lower backs by sitting up straight. It is the hope of the nation to eliminate slouching altogether, which will lead to a race of superhumans, making it even easier to dominate the globe!

Wait a minute, this can't be serious. Surprisingly, it is (except for that whole world domination part). The United States is victim to a terrible disease sweeping across first-world nations: having designated days and months representing the most ridiculous causes. May alone is host to almost fifty themes, not including certain weeks and individual days dedicated to other celebrations/remembrances/awareness reminders. In our hopes to give everyone their say, an extraordinary amount of different groups and organizations now have so much time to scream at us to listen to them that we're going deaf.

Some of these specifications are appreciated and needed. This month is Hispanic History Month, a necessary tribute to a large minority of U.S. citizens. But the trivial far outweigh the important. May is also Water Month, National Salsa Month and Messes Month. I highly doubt that you have any idea as to the function of these months, let alone support their existence.

One good thing comes out of all of these celebrations, though. Finally, there is a month in which all minorities need to pay attention to me. That's right, May is also "White Male Month," so act kindly towards us-we've gone through so much, you know. Slavery, what? Votes for who? Whatever those people went through, it's our turn now.

Here are some other designations bestowed upon May.

- Better Sleep Month

- Breathe Easy Month

- Freedom Shrine Month

- Great Rejoicing Month

- Lusty Month

- Minority of Your Choice Month

- National Barbecue Month

- National Egg Month

- National Hope Chest Month

- National Moving Month

- National Photo Month

- National Salad Month

- National Salsa Month

- National Underappreciated Librarian Month

- Personal History Awareness Month

- Revise Your Work Schedule Month

- Touring Theater Month

The sad thing is, I didn't fabricate a single one of these. Every single item on the above list is a veritable designation for the month of May, but do we really need all of them? Instead of helping us remember important histories or diseases or helping us to restructure our lives, these appellations are doing just the opposite. In a world where chaos is beginning to overtake our everyday lives, they are adding to our collective fruitbasket upset, not helping us to pick up those stray apples. Let us maintain our lives in a more simple than complicated manner, allowing us to focus on life for the parts worth living.