You may not have been paying attention early Monday morning, but the world officially came to an end. Yep, that's right-pigs have started to fly, the Twins are in contention for the play-offs, and the Vikings are going to have the same starting quarterback two years in a row.

In other words, the impossible has finally started to come true. You may have missed the event that started all of this madness and mayhem, but that's why I'm here, to make sure that the truth gets out. Are you ready for this? Are you sitting down? Have you put away all the sharp objects? Ok, here goes….

Andreea Raducan (all 4' 10" and 82 lbs. of her), the Romanian gymnast who won the all-around gold medal in Olympic competition was stripped of her gold medal Monday when she tested positive for a banned substance (crashing thunder and screaming sound effects please).

In an age of sports where it seems that every athlete is taking something or other (Mark McGwire and his use of andro or David Wells and his use of pork rinds come immediately to mind), perhaps you are not surprised by this revelation.

But let's put it in perspective, shall we? As I mentioned before this girl is small-- any 16 year-old who still shops in the junior-junior miss section of the clothing store and can't ride most of the rides at Disneyland is not someone that you would immediately suspect of using drugs to enhance her performance at the Olympics. And gymnastics…?????

When you heard American shot-putter C.J. Hunter had tested positive for steroids, you weren't surprised. This guy weighs like 800 lbs. and uses two-man pup tents for sweat pants to warm up in. Or the East German women shot-putters from back in the 70's and 80's who had voices like Barry White and enough hair on their face to be the poster children for the wrong uses of being a member of the Hair Club for Men. These weren't exactly secrets when they were going on, but few thought that the dirty stain of drugs would stretch to gymnastics. Gymnastics isn't a pure strength competition-- I think they put a lot of emphasis on flexibility (at least that is what it looks like when they've got their legs wrapped around their neck and are rolling down the balance beam).

So what the heck was this girl taking? Further investigation was needed. Being the super sleuth that I am, and having ample resources not available to the general public, I immediately logged on espn.go.com to get the full story. Which led me to a SLIGHTLY different story than I had first uncovered.

Yes, Ms. Raducan was busted for using an illegal substance in the Olympics. However, it wasn't exactly steroids, or a straight dose of testosterone, or even a six-pack of Jolt Cola (which is guaranteed to give anyone a boost of energy they can't get naturally). No, the drug in question here, which led to the stripping of Raducan's gold medal, was pseudoephidrene.

Now before the shocked mutterings erupt from the crowd, "Psuedoephidrene……I knew that girl looked like she was on it. You can see it from a mile away," perhaps we should explain what it is and the fact that you yourself have probably taken it. See, pseudoephidrene is in cold medicine, so if you've ever taken Sudafed, you were probably "hopped up on those drugs like those crazy hippies," as my great-Aunt Edna used to say (note to reader: I don't really have a great-Aunt Edna, but the No. 1 rule of storytelling is when in doubt, lie like heck to get a laugh).

Now think back to when you had a cold and took some Sudafed: did you immediately feel like doing a routine on the balance beam better than you ever had before (and just for clarity sake, how many routines have you done on the balance beam?); was it a rush of energy to your body that just screamed, "Dammit man, why are we not on mats doing some back springs with triple flips?" or maybe you just desperately searched for a pommel horse to get some work in. The answer to all these questions is probably no-- you still felt like crap from the cold you had and the last thing you wanted to do was change out of your pajamas to go work out. But suddenly because this athlete took two cold medicine pills that the Romanian team doctor gave her, she has lost a medal that she has worked hard for and has most likely dreamed about as long as she can remember.

What is the lesson in all this? If there is one thing that I have learned about stories like this, there has to be a lesson. First of all, maybe the drug craze has gotten out of control. For all of the work the International Olympic Committee is doing to make sure that all of the competitors are entering their competition on equal ground, I say "Thank you." Nobody enjoys watching a contest where one athlete has put in hard work to hone their talent naturally while the person next to them just got done giving themselves the same shots that go into racehorses. But a distinction must be drawn between drugs that help a person perform and just plain old drugs (somewhere a person is reading this and smoking weed, thinking to himself, "Right on man! Legalize it!!" He's missing my point, but oh well). I don't pretend to be an expert in this area, but someone has to know. Doesn't something just seem not right when a gold medal is taken away for the use of two cold medicine pills?

The second lesson is that athletes are never ones to shy away from the bandwagon. It seems that immediately after Raducan was busted, the Sydney drug stores reported a citywide buying frenzy on Robitussin cough syrup. It appears that this is one substance that is not banned by the Olympic Committee and people were buying bottles by the hundreds in hopes of increasing their athletic performance.

Either that, or John Daly was in town in search of a buzz and all the bars were closed. Either way, remember my friends-- the world is coming to an end. You heard it here first.