I would like to think that I'm an assertive person; that I know my own rights and speak my mind while still respecting the rights of others. In being assertive, I know when to say yes or no when I am faced with a situation. The answer that I respond with comes completely from me. If I am asked a question, I should respond with what is on my mind. If I feel as though I am being unfairly treated, then I should speak up, shouldn't I? Let's look at an example that we can all relate to.

Let's say that you have a roommate who's always leaving their things on your side of the room. You might not mind that they leave their things all over the room. Fine. But if you do mind, unless you speak up and tell them that you don't like them doing that, then they'll never know. How does one even approach someone else about that kind of issue without sounding like a bossy mom? You don't want to sound stingy with space by drawing the imaginary line down the middle of the room.

Being assertive isn't about being rude or looking to start trouble wherever you go. If you are mistreated you know it. I don't think anyone just goes around looking to start trouble or cause a scene or find something to debate over.

What's the point in being assertive? Walking away from a bad experience, looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, or testing your patience, are alternatives to confrontation. If life keeps giving you lemons, how much lemonade can you keep making? When did your roommate become psychic?

That's the point with being assertive: communication. I'm trying to communicate how I feel about someone or something to someone who has inquired about my reactions or who has prompted my reactions. If I don't send them this communication, then how will that person ever know how it affected me? If I enjoyed something, I could simply walk away and it might be understood that I enjoyed the experience. I could also tell someone how much I enjoyed it. Let's look at the other side of this coin though. If I had a bad experience with something or someone, I should also communicate this feeling to the person or event directly related, so that they are aware of how it affects me.

I once bought a CD online. I was experiencing difficulty finding it at large music retailers, so I went online to find it. I ordered my CD and I was told via e-mail that I would receive my it in two to four weeks. When three weeks went by and still no CD had shown up, I started to get suspicious about what happened to my order. I went online and found out that the availability of my album had now become a "back stock" item (meaning that they would look for more, as they had now gone low on their own stock), whereas weeks ago when I had logged on, it was "available".

I technically had a week to go to see if the online company could deliver. So I let that week go. Still no CD. I then wrote an e-mail to the company. I told them that at the time of my online purchase the item had been presented as being available. I bought it under the terms that I had seen on the page at that time.

Even my transaction agreement supplied me with information about when I would receive my project. Now at week six, I still had no CD and as per the agreement that the company had with me, they had not met their end of the bargain. I told them that I thought it was false to advertise that a product was available and then suddenly make it not available. I requested to be sent the CD, as soon as they could at no cost to me. I also sought an explanation from them as to why my purchase was being handled this way.

A week later, I received an e-mail response from them concerning my account and soon after my CD at no cost to me. I realize that I could have just waited for the CD the whole time. I still would have received my order. They might have even contacted me about my order being suddenly unavailable. But, I instead chose to communicate with them and consequently they admitted to failing to properly handle my account. I got a free CD and began a good relationship with that online company because I was assertive with them.

I could have been mad and cancelled my order, but then I'd still be without the CD. I could have waited; I would've still eventually received my CD, but I still would have been wronged by the company. If they say two to four weeks, that's what I should expect. If they said "back stock" then I could take my business elsewhere or be aware of how long I have to wait.

Next time you're faced with a decision, think about how you're responding. Think about why you respond with what you do. If you can be assertive, just remember: there's nothing wrong with communicating, making sense and being happy.