With the onset of the Christmas season, I have been asked to spend some time thinking about what it is that I want from my parents for Christmas. I had to kick myself, because for no apparent reason the first thing that came to mind was a cell phone. My largest pet peeve is people talking on those recoculous instruments in the middle of malls, restaurants, movie theaters, Mellby lawn, and everywhere else for that matter.

I realize that these gadgets provide a large amount of convenience for those who have a use for them. My own personal desire for the cell phone stemmed basically out of a want to have a phone with me in my car. The car is unbelieably worn -- it has over 200,000 miles on it, and it is simply prone to break down. In fact it has broken down several times in inopportune times. Once I was driving home from the Twin Cities and my car sputtered to a halt about 500 hundred feet after entering Highway 494. I was alone, barely seventeen, and dusk was settling in far too quickly. Being an unbelievably quick thinker, the first thing I decided to do was to start to cry. Shortlty thereafter a yuppie cellphone salesman in a sporty black coupe happened to be the ³nice guy² who decided to stop and help me. But instead of offering his car expertise, he offered the information that he was a cell phone salesman and that I obviously needed this handy piece of new technology, and then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to buy one. Bastard. I muttered through my sniffles that it sure would be nice if he would just let me use his for the time being.

So a car phone should be good enough. I don't think that I would ever dare talk on the thing while I was actually driving though. I hate to think of the number of times I have been on the freeway and have been irked at the carelessness with which someone is driving, only to realize as I am driving past them that they are talking on the phone. It seems that these things are unbelieavably dangerous on the road and I wouldn't be opposed at all to a state-wide ban on the use of cellphones while driving.

But the possibility to take the phone out of the car is unbelievably appealing. I could talk in the middle of the lake, on top of a mountain, in the middle of campus. Until I realize that I would be talking on the phone in the middle of the lake, on top of a mountain, and in the middle of campus and why in God's name would I want to do that? Doesn't it seem ridiculous that anyone would want to be connected to a phone at all times? It does to me. My life seems fast-paced enough. I have absolutely no desire for it to get any faster.

The most ridiculous thing of all about wireless communication, though, is the use of them as parenting devices. I hate the sight of thirteen-year old girls at the mall with sixteen-year old boyfriends and cell phones attached at their hips or in their Coach purses so that their parents can call them to make sure that they are behving themselves. What does this say about trust? I had a friend in high school whose parents made her take a cell phone with her when she went out, and they would become infuriated if she turned it off. They would proceed to call her from the local bar on Friday night after having plenty to drink to make sure that she was being responsible. I always had to laugh at that.

I realize that these nifty devices have a time and a place. They have provided an unbelievable amount of convenience for several people. But does everyone need one of these? Do I need one of these? I certainly wouldn't mind having a car phone. Do they still make simple car phones, or is everything wireless these days? Regardless of whether of not I get a cell phone for Christmas, my only wish is that I will never be the annoying person at the counter in J. Crew, at the Lakeville cinema, on the middle of Mellby lawn, or at Applebee's talking on my cell phone.