|
by Beth Scott '01 Remember that little talk you and your corridor went to during Week One on Safety at St. Olaf? Let me refresh your memory. You probably walked in, sat down with a bunch of other first-years, and were told how St. Olaf is such a wonderful and safe place to be. After all, Northfield is a little sleepy Minnesota town, right? But oh yeah, there have been a few, repeat FEW little minor incidences over the past years when a student was sexually assaulted. You were probably also told that almost 100% of the reported cases of sexual assault on our campus involved a situation where one or both parties were consuming alcohol. Then you were probably given the little lecture on how alcohol is a no-no, and you shouldn't be drinking it anyway. You may have left that meeting thinking little of what you'd just heard. Maybe you were like me, and you came to St. Olaf largely in part because of its reputation of being such a safe campus. Maybe you walked out of that meeting holding your significant other's hand, thinking this information doesn't really apply to me anyway, since I'm in this wonderful relationship and I couldn't be happier. Or perhaps you happen to be male, and they didn't say anything about men, and men can't be raped anyway, right? There is an illusion here at our college that rape and sexual assault are rare occurrences. There is a myth that abusive relationships don't happen at St. Olaf. These things are both false. One out of every four women will be sexually assaulted or raped during the time she is a college student. This means if we estimate 60% of current St. Olaf students are women, and we also estimate St. Olaf has about 3000 students currently, that would mean 450 women are raped during the time they are students at this college every four years. That's about 113 women a year who are raped or sexually assaulted at St. Olaf. This might sound like an extremely high number, in fact when I first heard it I didn't believe it could be true. However now that I am an advocate for survivors of sexual and domestic violence, I know that it is true. Most rapes on college campus are acquaintance rapes, and since approximately 5% of acquaintance rapes are reported, if 113 women were sexually assaulted or raped every year here, that would mean about 5 or 6 would report...which is about the number of reported rapes and sexual assaults here each year. Don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that because St. Olaf is a small school, it's a dry campus, it's a school of the church, and it's in a small town that sexual assault happens any less here than it does at a large university. In fact, an environment like St. Olaf is likely more conducive to sexual violence and abusive relationships. Because students think that the above reasons mean they aren't at risk for sexual assault, when a student is sexually assaulted, they feel very alone. They think that they are one of only a few 'incidences'. For this reason, survivors are less likely to report, and this means that the perpetrator is free to move on to assault and rape other people. The fact is, St. Olaf College wants you to believe that if you're here, you're safe. They want you to believe our campus is safe, that students respect other students, and that rape and sexual assault don't happen here very often. When people think about sexual assault, they usually think about the 'bad man' jumping out of the bushes at 2:00 a.m. and violently raping the beautiful girl. The fact is, 80% of the time the rapist is someone the victim knows, and up to 2/3 of rapes occur in the victim's home or some other private residence. Most of the time rape isn't about some big strange man holding down some small woman he grabbed out of the bushes and violently forcing sex on her. Sexual assault and rape are about manipulation, power, and control. Women can and do rape men. Rape doesn't always include violent physical force, it sometimes involves coercing the person into sex after they have already said no. Sometimes two people are already having sex when one person realizes they don't want to be, so he or she says they want to stop, and instead of stopping the other person decides not to stop and then proceeds to rape the person. Acquaintance rape is just as traumatizing as stranger rape, and in fact in some ways can be more devastating. Many times the victim and the rapist have mutual friends, and these people often refuse to believe the victim, taking the rapist's side. Another big problem on this campus is abusive relationships. There is yet another myth at this college that everyone finds that 'special someone' at St. Olaf and then has a perfect relationship. Many students on this campus don't know what constitutes an abusive relationship. There are different types of abuse that can occur in abusive relationships, including physical, verbal, sexual, and emotional abuse. Physical abuse doesn't just include hitting, pushing, and shoving. It also can be depriving you of sleep, threatening to hurt you, or not allowing you to leave someplace when you want to. Physical abuse doesn't necessarily have to result in injury. Anything that causes someone to fear for their physical safety, such as throwing an object that doesn't hit you, is also physical abuse. Emotional/verbal abuse can include constantly making fun of you in private or in public, isolating you from your friends, threatening to kill themselves if you leave them, accusing you of cheating on them, etc. Sexual abuse also often occurs in abusive relationships. This can include calling you names such as whore, slut, etc., telling other people about sexual things you have or haven't done when you don't want them to know, coercing you into doing things you don't want to do sexually, making you have sex when you don't feel like it, etc. Rape can occur in relationships -- it is NEVER okay to force or coerce someone into having sex, even if that person is your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. It's important to realize that abusive relationships don't usually start with physical abuse. The abuser often first isolates the person from their friends and family. Then, when they have the person isolated and to themselves, they usually begin emotionally and verbally abusing them by telling them they are no good, no one else will ever want to be with them, etc. In time, the abuse often becomes physical. WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP YOURSELF AND OTHERS To keep yourself safe: If someone you know has been sexually assaulted, raped, or in an abusive relationship: If you yourself have been sexually assaulted, raped, or in an abusive relationship: If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, raped, sexually harassed, been in an abusive relationship, or suffered from any other kind of abuse or violence, there are people who want to help. No matter what has happened to you, there are people who want to listen to you. There are people who want to let you go at your own pace and let you make your own decisions about what to do. One available resource on campus is SARN. SARN is the Sexual Assault Resource Network. SARN advocates are students who have gone through extensive training on advocating for survivors of sexual violence, abuse, and abusive relationships. SARN is the only confidential source (besides the counseling center) on campus that deals with these issues. It does everything from providing information to students and holding educational workshops, to accompanying survivors to the hospital, court, and mediation processes and just listening to anyone who needs support. An advocate is on-call from 8 p.m. to 8 a.m. every night. The number is x3777. Another resource is the Woman Safe Center. Many SARN advocates also work for the Woman Safe Center, which does many things including holding support groups, helping people file for Orders for Protection, and providing referrals to other services. They operate a 24-hour toll-free crisis line. The number is 1-800-607-2330. From 9 a.m. until 5 p.m. the phone is answered in the office, and from 5 p.m. until 9 a.m. the next morning and on the weekend an on-call advocate answers the line. Whether you just need someone to talk to or you need immediate assistance, they are there 24 hours a day to help you. If you remember anything, remember that rape, sexual assault, and abusive relationships do happen here at St. Olaf, and those who are survivors of these things will have a very different memory of St. Olaf than many of the rest of us. These men and women deserve our attention. This institution needs to take a stand and be honest with students about the fact that sexual violence happens more often on college campuses than they tell students, and that our school is no exception. Most of all, if you are a survivor or sexual violence or abuse, remember that you are not alone. Only when we speak openly about rape, sexual assault, and domestic violence will the shame and silence they cause be broken.
|