CONNECT THE DOTS of TOM ROBERTS' LIFE (updated January 24, 2010)
Clyde Thomas 'Tom' Roberts, Jr. September 19, 1957 - - March 31, 2001
January 2010 Update 2010 will mark the 9th year of Tom's passing. Thus far, 27 stories of Tom and the relationships he cultivated have been submitted. 14 stories were submitted soon after Tom's memorial service in 2001. A second wave of stories arrived in 2004. Single stories arrived in 2005, 2006, and 2009. The 27th story arrived on January 24, 2010. With the publication of each new story, I am fondly reminded of Tom and his meaningful impact upon others, and I am thankful for my time with Tom, as I am sure the author of each story is as well.
Connect the Dots for Tom... My brother, Tom Roberts, died on March 31, 2001 from melanoma. Shortly after Tom's passing, I sadly realized that there were so many facets of his life that I was going to miss. There were other pieces of Tom's life (his work, his life of faith, the relationships with his closest friends) that I was simply unaware of, and I wanted to learn more about them.
At the time, my 5-year old daughter, Abby, loved to "connect-the-dots." Even though her early attempts to connect-the-dots were noteworthy artistic endeavors in her parents’ eyes, they were actually full of unrelated associations and gaps, which left us struggling to identify and appreciate the completed picture. This gave me an idea.
I imagined that Tom’s life on earth was an expansive connect-the-dots picture, with each distinctive dot representing a single relationship established during his lifetime. If the dots were to be connected with thoughtfulness and care, the resulting picture would illuminate the essence of who Tom was: the son, brother, friend, colleague, husband and father.
At Tom's memorial, I made a request of those who were present. I asked them to write down and send me their unique stories of their relationships with Tom, and I received several. However, I am still trying to put together the pieces of his life puzzle. If you knew Tom Roberts and haven't yet submitted your story, I ask you to take some time to do it now. I invite you to write your own 'dot,' a memory or two from your unique relationship with Tom, so that it may be assembled with other dots to complete a connect-the-dot story of Tom. The stories will be assembled online (with permission), and they will also be saved for Tom's child, Bethany Faith Roberts. It is my hope that someday, she will be able to gain a greater understanding of her father, by reading about the many wonderful bonds he shared with others.
The stories of Tom have been assembled online. Click here to read submitted stories of Tom.
Please submit your relationship 'dot' via the form below, by email or snail mail it to me at: Anthony (Tony) Roberts 800 Eastridge Drive Northfield, MN 55057
GENERAL INFORMATION
First Name: Last Name:
Relationship to Tom:
email:
address: Please share my story online: yes no
Please include my contact information with my story: yes no
Your Story of Tom:
You may scroll down to read the stories of Tom as I have received them in chronological order. Or, you may click on individual names below to read a specific story.
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WARRIOR STANDING THERE AND CANNOT COMPARE TO HOW MUCH PAIN HE HAS BEARED. FIGHTING FOR HIS TIME WHICH SEEMS LIKE FOREVER. NOW HE IS IN A PLACE WHICH IS SO BEAUTIFUL THAT IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL THAT IT IS BEYOND ALL DREAMS. MY ONLY WISH IS THAT THE TIME HE IS SPENDING UP THERE IS AS GOOD AS THE TIME HE IS SPENDING UP THERE IS AS GOOD AS THE TIME I HAVE SPENT WITH HIM DOWN HERE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING BUT I KNOW THAT HE IS IN A BETTER PLACE.
_______stories of Tom _______
I work at the Tampa TSC, in Florida. I had the honor of meeting Tom while he worked at my office for a period of 4 months during his Management Improvement tour. He was my supervisor for about a month. The first time he ever spoke to me happened because I had forgotten to sign in. He came over to my desk and ask what my name was. After I told him, he grabbed my hand and with one of my fingers in his hand he said " do you know what I do to people who forget to sign in? well, I break their fingers and if you don't believe me, go to the Carrollwood office and you will see plenty of people with broken or missing fingers". Being that this was the first time I EVER spoke to him, I wasn't sure if I should start crying or running or screaming or laughing or what... I opted to get on my knees and look at him with repented puppy eyes and promise that I would never forget to sign in again ( which, to this date, I haven't). He started laughing and that's how we started being friends. I loved making him laugh. He has the most wonderful laughter. He was amazed (for lack of a better word) at the fact that I was the only woman he knew who rides a motorcycle. He was always asking me all sort of motorcycle and helmet and gear questions. One time, I guess I overstepped my boundaries with him. The unit phone rang and I answered it. The person on the other side needed to talk to our supervisor (him) so I called out loud for him. He looked at me and I yelled at him " you need to get your butt here RIGHT NOW! This person wants to speak to a boss and I guess you're gonna have to do since there isn't anybody else around" (I swear I must have been drunk or on drugs, how else could I do something like that?) He turned redder than a beet.He stood up and walked VERY slowly towards me. I was still phone in hand not believing what I had just done... He leaned over towards me and in a very CONDESCENDING tone he yelled right back at me..." you will ALWAYS be a TSR, you will NEVER amount to anything if you don't drop the DARN attitude" and with that he yanked the phone out of my hand. Feeling that I was not done with him yet, I decided to play yet another trick on him. So next day I come in and with my most humble facial expression I gave him this apology card that read ".. being humble and apologetic doesn't come easy for me, unfortunately, being STUPID does"... He laughed and said he forgave me and was all cheery. You would think a person with moderate to average intelligence would have left this situation alone, right? WRONG. The minute he said I was forgiven, I started laughing in a very sarcastic way and I told my friend, in a loud enough voice so he could hear me that "men are so easy, they'll believe just about ANYTHING you write in a piece of paper". Boy, I thought he was gonna KILL me! I mean, literally KILL me. After that came all the begging and pleading (from my part, of course,until I was able to convince him I was really sorry and that we all simply adored him and that's why we always picked on him. 'Cuz he was so sweet and lovable and charming and always a gentleman. We truly did, we still do, we always will. Tom will live in my heart forever. I have the most fun and fondest memories of him. He was the guy everybody wanted to be with. He was a good friend, a good listener, VERY forgiving, incredibly smart and I will always miss him. Having a child was his TOP priority. He constantly said so. I know he would have been the most wonderful father. To his child, please know that he wanted you so bad and he will always love and be with you. All of us who's heart were touched and blessed in a special way because of him, will be here for you and your mom Julie. Julie must be a wonderful person because that's what Tom was. God bless you both and all Tom's family.
I was the Area Administrative Assistant (AAA) for Mississippi while Tom was the AAA for Georgia. I only saw Tom a couple of times, and only spoke with him on the telephone a few times a year. We shared a bond in that there were only nine AAAs in the Atlanta region.
But Tom and I shared another bond, the bond of Brotherhood. Tom was a Believer. This was reflected in Tom's day-to-day work and dealings. He had a cool confidence about him. Tom was self-assured; he was at peace with himself. Not many people are like that. And that is what is most striking when I think about Tom. He was an encouragement to me.
I have two sons and one grandson. My prayer is that they be christian me. Such was Tom Roberts. I am proud to have known him and am richer for it.
I came to know Tom after he started attending Druid Hills Baptist Church in Atlanta several years ago. It's hard to put into words how our congregation felt about Tom and Julie. We will greatly miss their fellowship, but I know that we are a better church because of their influence on our lives.
In the time I knew Tom, I came to quickly admire and respect him. Not just for his golfing expertise, which was considerable, but more importantly for the way he lived his life and the type of example he set for all who came into contact with him. No matter what kind of day you were having, Tom could talk with you and make you smile. Whether having lunch with him, going to dinner with him and Julie, playing golf, going to church or seeing him at a church workday, Tom was always energetic and ready to do whatever he could to lend a hand. He also did everything he could to make you feel welcome and special, particularly to the youth he helped lead at our church.
Tom had such a positive influence on me, particularly as I saw the strength with which he met his illness. My mother died of cancer when I was 12, and I couldn't help but think of her when I thought about Tom's situation over the last several months. Tom provided such a strong testimony during this experience. Through him, I felt a real sense of comfort in my remembrances of my mom by witnessing Tom's courage in the face of disease. My mom, like Tom, was a strong Christian, and I know that her faith helped her in the face of such daunting odds, just like I know it helped Tom.
For Tom and Julie's child I offer this encouragement, you should be extremely proud of your father. He was a wonderful, caring person, and I know that many people, including myself, were proud to know him and call him a friend. May God bless your life and may your father live on through the memories provided by others who knew him.
I first met Tom when he interviewed me for a Claims Clerk job in the Carrollwood Office. He was told that I was a big hockey fan. He remarked then that he would convert me to a college football fan. I was afraid of him for a couple of months until one day he came to my desk and said, "Wear jeans and tennis shoes tomorrow, because we will be pulling files for shipment." I didn't think he really meant we but he did. He was right down on the floor crawling around with me and he won my heart right then. We worked all day and began to get comfortable with each other and became friends.
He was at the time going through a divorce, and we would talk every day and I brought him food and thoughtful cards to ease the pain. Key lime pies never hurt anybody. He invited a few of us to his apartment to help him unpack, and he even cooked for us. Afterwards, we regularly visited for get togethers with other friends bringing over food and having a wonderful time. He even helped me move once. I remember him saying, "I don't even have to go to the gym today, I'll just help you move." I'll never forget when he picked up my grandmother's antique dining table and held it over his head while placing it gently into the loading van. I stood there with my mouth open. We went out to eat on several occasions and Tom would always clean my plate and even use my ice from my drink. Tom was a wonderful friend and always there to talk if I needed him or to help out if he was needed. He was a pleasure to work for and with.
I'll never forget him and the impression he made on my life. I will remember him when I listen to the birds and gaze at the sky because our loss of him has made me realize that we really need to enjoy life and all of its pleasures and beauties. I will miss my friend as others will but all of his friends have a bond and that bond is knowing a man like Tom Roberts. He will never be forgotten.
(additional entry) February 25, 2004
I came to visit Tom in February of 2001, when he was in the hospital. I have thought about him so much and realize that it will soon be three years since his death. I've tried to look at life differently since then. Tom meant so much to me and so many others with his crooked smile and towering personality. I am working in the Mississippi Area Director's Office as a Management Analyst and still think about Tom in a work oriented way. You see, he was in the Area Director's Office in Georgia and I wonder sometimes how he did certain things. You know, he's always in my heart and I will never forget his friendship. It was so very important to me and it was something I could always count on. I called him "My Big Ole' Boy".
Tom's memory will live on.
I had the pleasure of working with Tom while he was assigned on his Management training detail at the Tampa Tele-Service Center (aka T.S.C.) in 1997. I had been introduced to him years before, when I was first hired by the agency in 1991, but since he was then working at the Carrollwood Field Office, I didn't really know him other than by name until he was sent to my office- and became my Supervisor for the 4 months he was on detail with the T.S.C. One memory that I vividly recall about him that I feel would be a good one to pass along to his wife and child is during a Service Observation he was conducting on me (which means listening in on my phone calls with the clients and then rating the service provided); I had my radio on at my desk, and Tom was able to overhear what song was being played- which even if he HADN'T had his headset plugged in to tune into my workstation, he still would have heard the music - as his desk was practically right next to mine anyway. Well, the popular song at that time was "Butterfly Kisses", and when that came on, he looked at me and said with such emotion, "Oh, I just love that song!". His eyes even misted over as he listened to the words, and he told me later it was on account of his strong desire to have a child of his own as to why it effected him in that manner. I discovered from talking to him at longer lengths, that having a child and a wife who really loved him was all he really ever wanted out of life.
I remember feeling sorry for him at that time, for he was unmarried, and approaching age 40, I wasn't sure if he would ever be granted that wish he wanted so much. However, The Lord works in mysterious ways, and I have been comforted by the loss of my friend in knowing that before he left us, he was able to accomplish exactly what he wanted after all: he had an adoring wife, and an expected child on the way so that he could still leave us a part of him to carry on his name, since he couldn't be with us. I am really grateful that he was able to meet that wish before he passed, as although my heart is still heavy with hurt from him leaving, I am happy for him that he found Julie to love, and was blessed with knowing he was going to be a father after all.
When I found out that Tom and Julie were going to have a baby, I immediately remembered that time when he was so touched by "Butterfly Kisses", and I have been telling our mutual friends that I just "felt it in my heart" that Tom was going to bring forth a baby girl to the world...I said it from the beginning that the child would be a daughter,and that the song he loved would then really hold even MORE meaning...so when I found out this morning that it WAS a daughter Julie gave birth to, I was ecstatic, and I wanted to give you this information to let her know that long before she was ever conceived, she was a longed-for hope in her Daddy's heart that he strove for until he succeeded in having her. I miss him terribly, but I know that she and Julie are going to discover even more love and support than they ever thought through this difficult, and yet, joyous time- for there is a new bond ....a stronger connection....with all of us now brought together to keep him alive in our hearts.
I will always think of him when I hear Butterfly Kisses...
(additional entry) March 8, 2004
I wanted to send you a special message of thanks for keeping me updated on the "Connect the Dots" stories of Tom, and how that is progressing. Only the week before I got your e-mail message and info to the website, I had been talking with a girl who works in my office now (the Tampa DO), but who originally started out in the Carrollwood SSA office where she knew Tom, and we were just discussing him with each other....reminiscing on memories, etc.; I had mentioned to her about the Connect the Dots you initiated after he'd passed, and I told her I was wondering how that was coming along, if there had been some great responses for you to put history together from all points of Tom's travels and friends for his daughter to learn about how he influenced so many different people from all over...then it was like he'd heard my question himself, because only a few days later, there was your message with the specific topic I'd just brought up to see for myself how the connect the dots was doing.
I was So touched and pleased that you'd kept me in mind after all this time to send me the information so I could visit the place where Tom still lives on in our hearts, and share in the memories he left us with to reflect back on with a fondness that will never die. I still miss him very much, and it seems so hard to believe that it will be three years already at the end of this month, because I can still hear his voice as if it were only yesterday when I called him to tell him he was in my prayers and that I loved him...he used to call me his "Little One", as I only stand about five feet and one inch tall, as well as the fact that when I started for the agency, I was in my early 20's, so I was like a child in his eyes that he took under his wing...that is a nickname that still brings a lump to my throat whenever I think about him saying it to me; "I love you, too, Little One" is the last thing I ever heard him say at the end of our phone call in early March 2001....it is a fond phrase I hold on to.
I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate you sending me the Connect the Dots site, and I will definitely pass along the information to others who knew him so that they can add on to the memories and continue to build Tom's special Memorial tribute. I hope with every story and every new bit of information you receive about him that it helps with your healing process-my heart goes out to you and your Family.
As a Navy man in WWII I learned about "Dots" and "Dashes" as the elements of the Morse Code. In the study of mathematics I learned there are infinite points in a line, or dots in a dash if you please. The verse below, author unknown, describes the line (dash) that connects the dots about how we spent our dash?
The Dash I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend He referred to the dates on his tombstone From the beginning...to the end. He noted that first came his date of birth And spoke the following date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years. (1957 -2001) For that dash represents all the time That he spent alive on earth... And now only those who loved him Know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own; The cars...the house...the cash, What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard... Are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left, That can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough To consider what's true and real, And always try to understand The way other people feel. And be less quick to anger, And show appreciation more And love the people in our lives Like we've never loved before. If we treat each other with respect, And more often wear a smile.. Remembering that this special dash Might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy's being read With your life's actions to rehash... Would you be proud of the things they say About how you spent your dash?
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I first knew of Tom as a school mate of my son Stan Jr.. He was one of several young men in that group of Stan's friends. A very close group, all of whom were a pleasure to know. We were most pleased with the son's choice of associates. Academic study was not high on their short term goals. However, playing was. It was through this play (golf) that I got to know Tom as a person, not just as Stan's friend. Sixteen years ago I was invited to their annual memorial day week-end golf games at Myrtle Beach. Over these 16 years Tom was my care taker at the games; I had become more near-sighted and he would always find my ball. We never missed the chance to share a cart. I firmly believe that he wanted to please everyone and always understood other people's feelings.
It was obvious that every man in the games loved him and knew what that little line (his dash) was worth. He will be missed by all !
I was so saddened to hear of Tom's death. You and Tom have always held a special place in my heart and in my memories. My brother Mark and I discussed Tom and the special times we all spent at Allison Wilson's house and dancing at Super Wheels with Tom. I loved those disco days and no one could dance like the Roberts family (including your beautiful sister Reece). I remember the hair styles, the smiles and the laughter.
I would want Tom's child to know he was a fun loving man with a wonderful smile who danced and laughed and enjoyed the company of other people. I'll never forgot those happy, carefree days. Best wishes to you and Tom's family.
I knew Julie when she first met Tom Roberts. Julie was a secretary in the office of the pain clinic, where I worked as a registered nurse and Tom's father was one of our patients. He told Julie he "wanted her to meet his son." I shall never forget their first date, as Julie was on top of the world. I believe she fell in love with Tom on their first date, as she couldn't stop talking about what a wonderful man he was. She said, "I've been praying for a man like Tom."
Even though their relationship was long distance in the beginning, since Tom lived in Atlanta, she talked to him daily and saw him on weekends. She talked about him constantly and always talked about what a good christian man he was. She fell in love with him more every day and was soon making wedding plans.
Julie was a little concerned at first about their age difference, and I always told her, "Marriage is what you make it."
Julie moved away to Atlanta after they were married, and I didn't see them much but did hear that they were very happy and were living out their dreams. Even though it was brief, I believe it was meant to be, and Julie will have lots of memories to tell their child.
I first met Tom in Orlando when we rehired him in the office as a Claims Representative. Tom was a good friend, a good guy, but most of all he was an asset to our Agency. When Tom was rehired we gave him a full workload. One day I went by his desk and asked if everything was okay. I asked him if he wanted training or needed training since he had been out of the Agency a few years. Tom said no that "it was like riding a bicycle". Tom did such a great job and had such great ethic that shortly after I came to Tampa as the District Manager I offered Tom a supervisory position in Carrollwood. Again he was a success. Again he gave his office, employees, and the public 100% and more. Soon because of Tom's commitment and work history he was promoted on several occasions. Last November I was detailed to the regional office in Atlanta. Tom and I talked about the possibility of him going back to Orlando as the District Manager. Ten years earlier he had been rehired in Orlando as Claims Representative, now we were talking about the good possibility that he had that he now could go back to Orlando as the District Manager. No one will ever know if Tom's desire of being the District Manager in Orlando would have become a reality. However the fact that it was even a possibility tells you what impact he had on our Agency. I have no doubt that Tom would have reach levels in this Agency that only a few dream about.
Just yesterday I attended a meeting of a pilot that Tom had coordinated. His name came up 3 - 4 times so even after his death Tom continues to be remembered for the great work he did. I've lost a friend but most of all we have lost a great leader!
I met Tom when he worked in Orlando. He became a part of our break group, consisting of eight people. We talked about everything from current world events to our high school proms during our breaks and became a close-knit group. One of the things that we all really enjoyed about Tom was his ability to laugh at himself and not always take himself so seriously. Our group partied together outside the office on many occasions. I am a graduate of the University of Alabama and Tom of course was a big Tennessee fan. We began having annual Alabama/Tennessee football game parties with different members of the break group hosting the party from year to year. We even continued the tradition for a while after Tom moved to Tampa. Tom would almost always bring his famous hot chicken wings. During the years that we had the parties, Alabama won all the games with the exception of one-that one ended in a tie. (Of course now the tide has turned, so to speak.) I, being the rabid fan that I am, was not the most gracious winner. Tom took it all in stride. He was such a good sport about it, as he was about everything.
A woman named Jeanette worked in the Orlando SSA as a teletypist. Jeanette had a tough life. She had an ex-husband who had abused her, and she had several miscarriages. She had a problem with her vision and was very hard of hearing. Even though she had a good heart, Jeanette was not an easy person to get along with. As a matter of fact she was often belligerent, defiant and argumentative. Her job in the office was an entry-level job at a low salary and money was tight . Because of this, Jeanette often moved from one apartment to another in order to save money. One weekend Tom helped Jeanette move. He did not advertise this fact-I found out about it much later, and the majority of employees in the office never knew about it. He quietly and graciously helped a person in need, even though that person was not the easiest person to help.
Bethany Faith, whenever I saw your Dad, he always had a smile on his face.
I was fortunate to work with Tom at the Tampa, Fl Carrollwood Social Security Office. I returned to work after retirement and worked as Administrative Aide for five years.
One of the things that I found in Tom was he was a very compassionate and sincere in his dealings with all the people he worked with in the office. I was surprised when I saw that he was a Tennessee Football Fan. We lived in Tennessee for several years and I was surprised to learn that Tom attended East Tennessee State University the same years as our daughter.
Tom was a very warm and sincere person to work with. He was always ready to lend a helping hand when needed to those working with him. He was always there with a friendly smile and a big hug.
God's Blessings to the family and especially to Julie and Bethany Faith. We hope that some day we can meet one another.
Our loss is Heaven's gain. I know we are not meant to question such a tragic loss, but this has been very difficult. I find it difficult to talk about, but I think about our times together daily, and we had many many of those. I became close friends with Tom soon after College at ETSU in 1979. Tom joined forces with our Good Ole Boys group, which was comprised of guys who did not want to join a fraternity but wanted to enjoy each others friendship. Most of the Good Ole Boys were graduates of University School, but Tom, a Crockett graduate, quickly became one of us. We went to Myrtle Beach each August and always stayed at the Sea Shadow Apartments, except one time when Tom & I decided to stay at South Myrtle Beach. Tom & I quickly emerged as very close friends. We each had a love of lifting weights. We would meet at least 3 times a week and work out. We loved to see what muscles we could make sore. We started out at the Health Club at the Johnson City Mall, which is no longer there. We then moved to Coach Judy's at Downtown Johnson City, which also is no longer there. Tom was bench pressing over 300 pounds and I was his spotter. It's a good thing he didn't require much of a spotter, because I couldn't have got that weight off him very easily.
Where you saw one of us, the other usually was not far away. Because of this bond, my nickname came to be PUP and Tom's was Big Dog. You see, Tom was 6'4" and weighed 220lbs and I was 5'10" and weighed about 140lbs. Tom would have been a good body guard, but he wouldn't hurt a flea if it didn't hurt him. He always kept his cool under most all situations. In fact, I can't ever remember seeing him mad. He always had a positive approach to life.
In 1982, Tom introduced me to my future wife. She also worked with the Social Security Administration and I will always have that bond of Tom getting us together. Debbie have been married 17 years and counting. We have two sons, Alec & Taylor. In fact, they knew Tom as Big Dog, not Tom. Tom was of course in my wedding.
In February of 1983, Tom, Dave Walwick & myself flew to Colorado to go skiing. We had a wonderful trip. We had taken lessons through an ETSU program where we would go to either Sugar Mountain or Beech Mountain and receive instruction and then get to ski. We had many great adventures.
I was a member of Marvin's Chapel United Methodist Church, and Tom soon became a member also. We enjoyed playing on our church softball team.
Tom moved to Florida in the late 1980's. I remember driving to Miami in about 1987 to visit Tom and to Tampa in 1989.
As you can see, I shared not just a close friendship with Tom, but my life. When Tom passed away, a part of me went with him. Something only he and me could share of memories and enjoyments. I will forever miss him, but I can't imagine my life without Tom having been a part of it. Tom's birthday was September 19, 1957. He was exactly 1 week younger than me and we always shared phone calls on our birthdays.
On September 19, 1957, Clyde Thomas Roberts, Jr. was born...
He was the first of three children born to Clyde and Shirley Roberts. Shirley, born and raised in Honolulu, Hawaii, met Clyde while he was stationed there, serving in the army. Clyde grew up in Kingsport, Tennessee.
13 months after Tom's arrival, the birth of Anthony William made it a quartet, and 11 months later, Theresa Louise Haunani Roberts completed the family.
Tom grew quickly and he grew strong. He developed both a maturity and sense of responsibility that belied his years. It was as if he sensed that he was destined to watch over and guide two interminably whimsical siblings throughout his entire life (he was right). I came to believe that Tom never strayed from his straight and narrow trajectory toward dependability. In fact, I can recall only one story from our childhood in which Tom made an uncharacteristically irresponsible choice in any given situation.
Tom's Love of Friends and Golf...
The radiologist, however, told Tom that the damage to his spine would more than likely take a year of healing and recovery. Back at home, after the appointment, I went in to check on Tom with my sister, Reece, who had arrived with food for lunch. He was lying on his bed, and he was crying. I couldn’t recall the last time I had seen him cry. Reece and I took his hands, stroked his head and asked him if there was anything we could do. Tom shook his head, and said that he was okay. He said he just didn’t think it was going to take so long to recover from the cancer, and he wanted to be playing golf in three months. I didn’t tell him that my prayers were not for him to be able to play golf, but for him to simply be alive in three months.
Tom didn’t make the golf trip with the The Good Ole Boys. He died less than six weeks later.
(more to come)
Swing a Club: facing cancer (a movement project inspired by the loss of a loved one to cancer)
I met Tom in the Tampa TSC in 1997. We had an instant connection…his name was Roberts and mine was Robarts. Being a part of management, I worked closely with Tom, teaching him how things were done in the TSC. He was a welcome addition to our office at that time. He spent many lunches with Brenda Bader and myself….enjoying his daily “healthy” lunch of a can of tuna and a green apple.
Tom and I shared September birthdays and have this great picture of our celebration. He was really 40 that year!
I was young when I met Tom. He and my dad played basketball together all the time. The first time I saw Tom, I was in love. I thought he was the most attractive older man I had ever seen, and best of all, he paid attention to me. He wasn't one of those friends of your parents that say "hello" as they pass over you with adult conversation. He played with me, and even gave me a special nickname, La Tina. I called him La Tom. He always gave me a card for my birthday, and made me laugh. He never treated me like the child of his close friend, but like a friend as well. When Tom passed, I wrote a poem/story because I deal with death that way. So here it is:
Early death affects everyone. It does that because people start looking around and questioning whether or not it will happen to someone they are close to. It wraps itself to life like an invisible plague. Sometimes it won't let you get on with things. It casts a shadow of gloominess where there once was great light. It buries itself deep into the cores of people around it, causing thinking and growth. We stand around like a conformed people, wanting only one thing, life. Life as it should be. Long periods of of fun, crazy life. Not some short parody. Not an excerpt. We expect a novel. People don't come on Earth just to leave 43 years later. We are here to stay for eternity. When God takes away the very breath that keeps us going, the world stops to wonder. It becomes a quest for knowledge. Who doesn't want to know why death is so young? Who won't stay up a bit later to feel the longing? It puts people in places we don't want to be. People are simple. We want love, life and freedom. When one is gone, we panic. Why would we not? It's hard to pretend not to see death. It's always here waiting to pounce on the next victim. Death likes the old and young alike. That's the scary part. It's supposed to be far away from us all, but death always affects someone.
I worked indirectly with Tom Roberts for several years. Once we were on a week-long detail to Baltimore at the same time, staying in the same hotel. A group of us were going to dinner, and I invited Tom to go with us. He graciously declined, saying that he was staying in his room and working via laptop. This was typical - he was so hardworking and conscientious. Of course, if I had it to do over, I would tackle him and drag him with us.
In 2001, the year of Tom's death, I participated in the Relay for Life and donated the contributions to the American Cancer Society in Memory of Tom Roberts. I wore a badge with a picture of Bethany as "My Reason to Relay". Over $2000 was donated in Tom's memory. The bulk of these donations came from Tom's co-workers in the Regional Office. This was my sixth time as a walker in the Relay for Life, and because of our wonderful memories of Tom and the generosity of his co-workers, this was the most money that I had raised. In addition, we had a touching Luminary Ceremony at the opening of the Relay for Life. The luminary inscribed with "in memory of Tom Roberts" was lit and his name was read aloud as the survivors walked the first lap.
I met Tom when he came to my office as a Supervisor. Technically speaking, he worked for me but he had so much ability that I knew he was more than my equal. We became such close friends and enjoyed many lunches and dinners out. One of our favorite past times was betting on the outcome of the GA/Tenn games. The winner was treated for Sushi at Yoko's in Tampa. At that time, GA really stunk so he got almost all the freebies. He does still owe me for the last couple of years which I hope to collect on one day.
We shared our faith and Tom made me a better Catholic, and I hope I made him a better Baptist/Methodist (although when I got him praying to St. Michael the Archangel, I'm sure his Pastor got worried). He is a great advocate for all of us with our Lord.
I know that Tom was planing on meeting Julie and Bethany Faith years before that blessed event. Shortly after he came to my office, the Government had an open season on increasing life insurance. A single man doesn't need much life insurance, but he was so sure that he would find the right person and have children, we both decided he needed to max out the life insurance. I'm sure Tom was at peace knowing he took care of his family. It was my pleasure to finally get to spend the day with Julie and Bethany Faith last fall. It's hard to describe, but so many of her expressions, ways she acted and things she said had Little Tom written all over them.
Tom truly lives on in his little girl.
Tom Roberts: I am proud to call him my friend.
I was one who never worried about growing older and I certainly never considered growing older without one of my best friends. Life has a way of educating all of us. I first met Tom in 1975. We were both shy, bashful (I am just kidding) freshman at East Tennessee State University. I could tell you that Tom and I became friends immediately while devoting ourselves to freshman chemistry but that would not exactly be the truth. Mutual acquaintances would frequent the spot on campus referred to as “ The Grill”, usually during class, for the sole purpose of flipping a few pasteboards. With very little prodding we were soon to become overly excited by this daytime activity and little did we know that the foundation for 25 years of friendship was poured. Tom and I were very much alike but yet different. It would be fair to say that we were both legends in our own minds. This made us intensely competitive, overly proud, and sometimes arrogant at the least boastful, but never modest. We were eighteen years old and ready to take on the world. Competing against each other in all things that were important such as cards, softball, basketball and of course dating.
Jeff Johnson and I had been the best of friends since the first grade. Jeff and I both took Tom under our wing to help him learn to play spades and believe me that was a struggle. Some time during the spring of 1976 Jeff and I introduced Tom to THE GOOD OLE BOYS. This was a group of eight of the brightest, funniest and most entertaining guys you would ever meet. Believe me I could write a comedy that would be a best seller just based on the true stories we would live for the next ten years. The GOOD OLE BOYS met every Sunday night at the McPherson household, and I mean every Sunday night, for cards. Tom, Bill and Joe McPherson lived in the basement and this was easily converted to a fraternity type environment especially in cleanliness. At that time the other members were Eric Dillenbeck, Ken Henrickson, Dave Walwick and Pat Lowry. Cards, pizza, softball and drinking Mountain Dew were a way of life.
We also took this show on the road to Myrtle Beach. Each summer would come to an end finding the group enjoying the carefree lifestyle of that time. These trips are where Tom would assert himself as God’s gift to women. No one enjoyed dancing and dating more than Tom and I must confess that he was good at both. Tom also enjoyed athletics but he had to work harder than most because he was not the most gifted athlete. You can rest assured that he would out work anyone because he hated to lose or be made fun of. One of the funniest stories of our softball days occurred when Tom was trying to convince each of us that his speed was deceiving. We all agreed that if he had any speed it would be deceiving. To prove a point Jack Bolus would run backwards and race Tom to first base. The bets were placed and soon we were all doubled over, in pain from laughter, after Jack won the race.
Tom would later convince himself that he should take up the game of golf. Although we had been good friends throughout college, I am sure the time we spent on the golf course helped take our friendship to the next level. From 1984 – 2000 Tom would only miss going on two of my annual golf trips. No matter where he lived he would always make the trip. I was often lucky enough to have him come stay with me for at least two days before most trips.
It made no difference where either of us lived. We made a commitment to always spend time with each other. I never complained about traveling to Miami, Orlando, Tampa or Atlanta. Our families tried to get together every New Years for football and that traditional meal of collards and black-eyed peas. We went to Tennessee football games and phoned each other every weekend during football season. I can describe Tom in one word, faithful. He was faithful to God, family and friends. I think about him almost everyday and he still brings a smile to my face. I miss him dearly but I realize that I was blessed with the gift of a lifetime, a friend I loved and admired.
For Bethany, Your father and I hung out together with a bunch of other friends when we were 16-28 years old. We called ourselves the Good Ole Boys (GOB). We would meet at my parents’ house at 3216 West Walnut nearly every Sunday Night. We would eat pizza; drink Mountain Dew and play cards, spades primarily although on occasion hearts. Our activities also included playing softball, golf, and vacationing together at Myrtle Beach. We would stay at a little 5-room motel called the Sea Shadow. It is approximately 2100 north 1 block off the strip. The Myrtle Square mall is across the big 4-lane road (Kings Hwy I think.).
I have 3 specific memories of your dad. When I began teaching and coaching basketball at University High School in 1984, Tom asked me to speak to the Marvin’s Chapel Men’s fellowship breakfast. I don’t remember the exact date. I had forgotten about that event altogether until my brother Tom and I were riding to your dad’s burial. We passed by Marvin’s Chapel and that sparked a fond memory. That was the first and only time I was asked to speak publicly. It never dawned on me, but looking back that far, Tom Roberts was an involved Christian man early in his life as well as late.
Second, Although Tom and I were not the closest of friends among the GOB’s; he was a few years older than me. We did play racquetball together a few times at ETSU in the Mini Dome. At that time I was mid to late 20’s 5’10” and weighed approximately 150 lbs. Tom was around 6’3” and weighed well over 200 lbs. Always one to stay in great physical condition, he was a formidable opponent. I was much quicker and faster, however, your Dad had a terrific serve that I had great trouble handling. I well remember how frustrated I was after losing to him several times. I knew that I should have beaten him, but he wore me out repeatedly.
Third, One weekend when we were in a softball tournament, I was playing shortstop, and Tom was playing left center field. A shallow fly ball was hit over my head. I ran after it looking over my shoulder up into the air. Meanwhile, Tom came in on it. When our paths crossed, I got the worst end of the deal. (Remember in the preceding paragraph our size difference.) I have no direct recollection of the event but have heard the story repeated many times. How your Dad was so concerned for me because I was unconscious, he knelt down over me encouraged me too catch my breath, picked me up and held me steady as I regained my composure. My actual memory came back after the game was ended, but they tell me that when I got up from the ground that I did a little dance to prove I was ok, and went on to play one of my best games.
One day, after he got sick, I came over to visit. It was the first time that I had seen him in years, and the first time I met your, courageous, faithful Mom. He said “Joe, some of the best times of my life were spent at your Mom and Dad’s house playing cards and The Master’s in your back yard.” I had not thought of that for quite sometime. We would get plastic golf balls and cover them with tape so they would fly farther. We mapped out a golf course in my yard using trees and telephone poles for holes, driveways were water hazards, and in some holes we had to hit over the house. We would compete; keep score to see who could shoot the best.
Bethany, your Dad was a good friend. He was an impressive man. It was quite evident that he was a faithful man who put Christ first in his life. Seeing him and the depth of his faith encouraged me to work harder on my own walk with God. I know that he is looking down on you and your Mom from heaven.
Tom and I shared lots of good times together, too many for me to write about here. We played many sports together and no matter where I lived Tom and I would get together somehow. Tom, Stan (Stan Johnson), and I attended many Tennessee football games. We all had some of the best times of our lives. In fact we all did so many great things together that I consider that era the best time of my life. All of these memories make me smile and I honestly don't seem to ever get Tom out of my thoughts. Tom was one of my closest friends. I think Tom was most happy when he helped or made someone else happy. I never saw Tom lose his temper, but he loved to see me lose mine. I have called him "Tom" all through this article, but as he knows I always called him Tommy. I miss my friend very much and a little part of me died with him. Tommy Roberts was a great example of what a true friend is supposed to be like. I count my lucky stars that Tommy called me his friend and I will see him in the next life.
The day that Tom reported to Tampa from Orlando, I reported to the same office on a special assignment. It wasn’t long before Tom was playing basketball with Bill and the rest of the SSA guys and he quickly became a part of my family. For the next several years he spent many weekends in our home as well as many holidays. Some people who didn’t really know Tom were intimidated by his size and demeanor but his friends knew who he really was—a kind and gentle man. We always had a great time when he was around. He made us laugh. He was a great friend. The thing that he wanted most was to have a family of his own. We were so happy when he found Julie. Bethany, when you are old enough to understand I hope that you will know that your father touched so many people in so many ways. We were so fortunate to have had him in our lives. He told us he would meet us again someday. I believe him.
Tom and I met through my cousin, Joan, and her husband, James, on my 30th birthday in December 1991 at Hard Rock Café in Orlando. James and Tom were friends and had met through Tom's first wife. The night we met there was a mis-communication about the time. Tom had to wait an hour for my cousins, and then I arrived with another friend. He was rightfully agitated. However, I was feeling a little feisty that night. Very straight-faced, I told him that it was my birthday and we were going to have fun - if he was going to be a grouch all night, he could just leave. He sat there stunned for a second and then burst into that huge smile of his. From that point on, I knew he was an OK guy - he could take a little good-natured ribbing.
We hit it off from the moment we met and were together from that point on. We spent the next four months in a long-distance relationship (I was in South Florida). We were on the phone every night for hours or on the road every weekend, traveling to see each other. We spent a lot of weekends at my cousin's home in Eustis. Tom would always help James with some project. One weekend he came to see me, I wanted to see the Disney movie "Beauty and the Beast". I thought that this big, strong guy would never go for it. It was kind of a test. He passed - we went and we both loved it.
I recently learned that Tom passed away. Although it's been over four years, it feels to me like it just happened today. I can't begin to tell you how stunned and saddened I am.
Even though it was late in his too-short life, I am so happy he found Julie to love and marry, had a beautiful baby girl, Bethany, and his faith.
I moved in with him in April, 1992 in Tampa. He was in the process of transferring from Orlando to Carrollwood. We had this tiny little cruddy, temporary apartment in Tampa. You can imagine Tom - it drove him crazy. After we got settled into our rental house in Carrollwood, I spent a lot of time as the passenger in a golf cart, while he played after work by himself or on weekends with another friend. Tom loved golf and having me around; I loved him and being outdoors. We had a very easy flow to us when we lived together. Taking turns cooking dinner (He was a good cook! Friday night was his own special recipe pizza night), working together inside the house and going on long walks around our neighborhood. It was great. The second year, Tom wanted to move to an apartment right across the street. He didn't like having to waste our precious weekends doing yard work for a home we didn't own.
Tom was giddy each year for weeks before his annual golf trip to Myrtle Beach. He lived for those trips. He was so into physical fitness. It's one reason his death is so hard for me to comprehend. He'd wake up every morning at 4:30am to run. At night he'd be at the gym in the wintertime, and we'd be at the golf course in the summertime. Many weekend mornings I'd kiss him good-bye and worry like crazy because he was going on a 2-hour bike ride by himself. He also loved playing pick-up basketball games at the local park with some of his work colleagues.
Tom enjoyed spending time with his friends, particularly Stan Johnson. When they weren't together, he had to make phone calls to Stan during football games, and they spent a lot of time teasing each other. When we were all together, Connie and I would go out and leave them alone - making jambalaya and hooting and hollering at the TV.
Tom loved his parents, brother, sister and nephew to his core. He always told me how proud he was of Anthony's dance talent and displayed his photos in our home. Reece was always making him laugh and keeping his ego in check. He loved that his mom was from Hawaii. He dearly missed spending more time with his parents and worried about his father's health. He loved going "home" to Tennessee to see everyone.
I have thought of Tom many times over the years and he still appears in my dreams sometimes. When I think of Tom, it always makes me smile. He was a particular person - everything was always neat and in its place. I would pick up 25 shirts from the cleaners - all washed and pressed - no starch. And, all of them were button-downs from Land's End. He was always so even-tempered and looking for the bright side in things. He was kind and gentle in helping me through some difficult times when we were together - when my family lived through hurricane Andrew and having to tell me that my Uncle Ed had died.
I think Tom was harder on himself than anyone else could be. He expected so much from himself in absolutely every facet of his life. Any tiny flub would create such embarrassment for him and he couldn’t stand that he'd messed up in any way - even the slightest thing.
Regretfully, after we broke up I could not be "just his friend", even though he wanted that. It was just too painful for me. I still have fond memories of all our time together. Because I thought of him often, I have always felt he was a part of my life even though we didn't stay in touch. I always respected him, enjoyed him and truly loved him with all my heart.
My heartfelt connection to Tom Roberts cannot be fully contained in this space, but I am truly grateful for this "connection" to the one friend I had for the longest amount of time in my life. I have attempted to write this before, and only recently found the strength to complete it. It's been years since Tom's passing, and I still think of him often and still can't believe he's gone. Our friendship was incredibly strong, no matter how many miles were between us.
It's hard to believe that I met Tom 30 years ago, when I was 16. He came with his friend Robby Crowe to swim at my house and left his St. Christopher's medal by the pool. When he came to retrieve it, we spent a long time talking and getting to know each other - we attended rival high schools, and I was so surprised to meet such a nice guy from Crockett!
For a few years, I guess Tom & I were considered boyfriend & girlfriend, but people probably didn't realize what close "just friends" we were. We were both passionate about music (Commodores-Lionel Richie; anything from Sat. Night Live; Earth, Wind & Fire), dancing (disco at the time), clothes, laughing hysterically & having fun. Countless hours were spent enjoying ourselves with friends Renee Garland & her brother Mark and Vickie Daniel. Although Tom was not the best singer in the world, you couldn't find better dancers than the Roberts siblings. Many times people would stop & watch as they burned up the dance floor.
After high school I moved from Tennessee to Miami and inevitably saw less of Tom, although he did drive down to visit once. We did keep in touch even though life took us in different directions. (We often joked that the state of Florida separated us). As we moved from place to place (we never lived in the same town again), Tom remained, for me, the one friend whom I could call anytime & cry my heart out. I knew he would encourage me to look at the bright side, get it together, and move on. I visited Tom in Orlando during a visit to my parents' home in Florida, and was so impressed (but not surprised) at how well he'd done. I had returned to Tennessee after living in New York for ten years, and my life was headed in a totally new direction. Once again, I got that encouragement Tom always dispensed - he always had a way of seeing the good side of anything.
I was so excited when Tom met Julie & I learned of their engagement - I was especially excited to learn that I had known Julie most of her life as well, and knew that Tom was getting a mate he deserved in this fine young lady. Attending their engagement party was exciting, & I could see the enormous love they shared. Later as Tom told me of Julie's pregnancy with Bethany, my excitement grew, yet he also complained of feeling "puny" himself. Not once did I consider the possibility of the cancer returning - I just thought cancer was something that Tom had conquered, like lots of other things. Tom complained that he wasn't able to complete regular workouts, etc. "I just feel puny" he would write.
My husband, Chris, son Wilson, & I met Tom & Julie for lunch on Dec. 18, 2000 - we were headed to Florida and they had come home for Christmas break. I thought they both looked great, and it's a meeting I still treasure, with both of them laughing and excited about the arrival of little Bethany. I remember that I just kept thinking what a beautiful and blessed child this will be.
I got the call about Tom's diagnosis and felt truly numb - how could this man who was forever dedicated to taking care of his body, eating healthily, and exercising without fail be dying? After Tom & Julie moved back to Tennessee, I spoke with Tom on the phone following Julie's baby shower. For the first time ever, I didn't know what to say to my dearest friend in the world. He simply told me, "Don't worry, it's just a little setback." I visited Tom once in the hospital before he slipped into a coma. Although he looked worn out, he was still wearing that incredible smile of his.
Throughout the 25 years of our friendship, Tom & I continued to share our passions for family & music. I believe God brings people into our lives for a purpose, even if only for a short time. I have questioned many times why Tom's life could not have been longer, but I'm so thankful for the years I knew him. Friendship is contained in the heart - distance doesn't matter. Those who have passed on can continue to live through our memories. I am thankful for my friendship with Tom Roberts - proud to have been his friend. I am also thankful for this site where Tom can be remembered through shared memories.
Anthony (Tony, to me), thank you for setting up this avenue and creating a place so very special to so many people. The love between you, Reece, & Tom was always evident, and I'm not surprised at your dedication to Tom's memory.
Bethany, your father was one of a kind - truly special. He lives in heaven where we'll meet again someday. I pray that you will know caring, quiet kindness, and an undying faith just as your father exhibited them. I was so sad (& angry) when I learned that your dad died just days before your birth, because he didn't get to "see" you. But my wonderful husband reminded me as we walked into you dad's funeral, that he could in fact see you from heaven, and I can just see that incredible smile again as he looks down upon you.
It is May 3, 2009 and I am only now learning of Tom's death. While he has been gone a long time, it is as though it just happened for me. I met Tom when I was a freshman at ETSU. Mark and Renee Garland introduced us. I was young, barely 18, and really nervous.
No one could be nervous around Tom Roberts. His smile lit up the room, and his easy laugh put my greatest fears to rest. He was the best friend to me, and we poured our hearts out to each other. He was a wonderful, compassionate man, and he was quick to comfort anyone in need.
I will never forget long walks and talks on campus, and amazing nights at Super Wheels with Tom, Renee and Mark Garland, and Tony, Tom's brother. No one could dance like Tom and Tony, no one!!
I lost touch with Tom after I graduated, and I am so glad to know that he met Julie and was so happy with her. I know how excited Tom was, knowing he was going to be a daddy.
Bethany, your father was an amazing man, full of life, full of love, full of compassion. The world was a better place because of him, and sadly we are all greatly diminished by his untimely passing. You can be proud that Tom Roberts is your dad. I know that he is smiling as he looks down on you and your mother from heaven. He would have adored you in life, and he adores you now. God Bless you, Bethany and Julie.
(additional entry) May 06, 2009
Being that I only just learned of Tom's passing, I am still absorbing the shock. As I have been thinking of him for they past three days, two more events came to my mind, and my extremely close relationship with Tom.
I was put in the hospital for surgery when I was 18. I was scared to death. My parents were there, as was my sister, Tamara. There was a knock on my door, and into my hospital room walked Tom. I was never so glad to see anyone in my life. He pulled up a chair beside my bed, kissed my forehead and asked how I was. My family had been there for hours, and visiting hours were going to be over soon, as my surgery was very early. They left to give Tom and me some time. The nurses came in and gave me an injection to put me to sleep. She agreed to put the rail down on my bed while Tom was there, so he could get as close to me as possible. He stroked my head, and my hair, and reassured me that all would be fine. I was drifting off hearing his soft, tender voice in my ear. Before I went to sleep, he kissed me. The next thing I remember was waking up from surgery. Tom and I were together at critical times in our lives, and I will forever be grateful for that..there are just no words.
On a lighter note, Tom was taking a psychology course and he wanted me to take it with him. I loved psychology and since I was going to need this course eventually, I agreed to take it. He forgot to mention that there were prerequisite classes for this class. Had I paid attention, I would have probably been fine. However, since I was sitting behind Tom in the class I found it impossible to listen. My nails were long, so I spent the class period scratching his back, massaging his shoulders and playing in those golden, blonde locks...<sigh> Hence, I received a D in the class. I am not sure that he fared any better than I did, since he was so relaxed that he practically slithered out of his seat during class.
During that class, we visited the nursing home twice a week. We were each assigned a client. Tom was true to character in that capacity as well. He loved being able to brighten someone's day, and being there for the elderly, going above and beyond the call of duty, spending extra time, playing another round of checkers, was something he just did. When I think of Tom, I think of gentleness and tenderness. He was everything a man, a human being should have been.
My life is fuller and richly blessed for having known this gentle giant of a man.
Bethany, your dad was nothing short of amazing. I hope that those of us who knew and loved him have given you insight into just what a wonderful person he was. I see so much of him in you, you are beautiful. You can always be proud sweet girl, that Tom Roberts is your father.
Who was Tom Roberts? The thoughts differ depending on your association with him. I knew your dad mainly from the days, nights, of playing, and travel with the Good Ole Boys starting somewhere around the mid-to-late 1970's.
But I first met him at East Tennessee State University. I was majoring in Broadcasting there at the time and was the Music Director for the local campus AM radio station - WETS-AM. It was a closed circuit station which piped its programming directly to the dorms on campus.
One evening probably around 7pm, for whatever reason, I returned to the radio booth and found Tom there doing his stint as the station DJ. Not that it was unusual finding someone I didn't know there - every quarter (ETSU was on the quarter system then) as part of their coursework, new students were required to have a weekly shift doing DJ work at the station.
What I did find unusual however, was that as Music Director, it was my responsibility to make the weekly "playlist" and set the format of what genre music was played and when. As I entered into the area around the booth, the music I heard being played was NOT anything on our playlist. We were a Top-40 station and the tunes being played were not only definitely not Top-40 but records that I knew the station did not even have in its inventory. It seems as though your dad discovered that seldom did anyone check on the booth in the evenings and had brought in his own records to play instead of those on the playlist. And worse... his music was DISCO! Of course I gave him grief about it and he never did follow the prescribed playlist, but I think the funniest part of the whole episode was seeing this huge guy crouched around the turntable singing at the top of his voice along with the disco songs. I still smile whenever I think of it.
Bethany, your father was a person of many talents, always willing to try new things. Even when he knew he wouldn't be the best at it, he gave a worthy attempt. Don't be afraid to experience new things in your life as they come and, whatever you do, just sing along! Your dad will be singing with you.